I’ve read one too many posts decrying Marissa Mayer’s maternity decisions.
I’ve seen women make statements like “if this is what it means to be a CEO, then eff being a CEO.” People have called for a Yahoo boycott. Others say they feel bad for her kids.
Not one of these judgmental people has any insight into what life (at home or at work) is actually like for Marissa. Their responses are shaped through their worldview … through their experience as a parent … through their workplace’s leave policies.
Newsflash: Being CEO of Yahoo isn’t relatable for any of us (unless you’re the CEO of some other unicorn tech company, but I don’t think that’s my blog’s readership). None of us can imagine ourselves in her shoes. None of us have resources or demands similar to Marissa’s.
But, let me back up and make it more relatable for all of us. I think my situation is a bit more “normal” than the CEO of Yahoo.
When my son was born, we were life-flighted to the hospital, where he spent 13 days in the NICU. So, for the first two week of his life, I sat day and night by his side. We did as much kangaroo care as the nurses would allow, but we didn’t have a “typical” newborn bonding experience because there were so many wires hooked up to his little body. The third week, we were home. I wasn’t ready to go back to work full-time; however, I did take a couple calls and respond to a few emails when he was sleeping. By the fourth week, I eased myself back into work, going to the office for half days. By week five, I was pretty much back to working full time.
To all of you who say you feel bad for Marissa’s kids because she isn’t taking a “normal” maternity leave, do you also feel bad for my son? Do you think I’m not a good mom?
It’s easy to judge from the outside, but here’s the part you don’t know because you aren’t living my life:
- It’s rare that I go a full day without seeing my son. I purposefully leased an office (before I was pregnant) less than a block from my house, and I’m fortunate to have the resources that allow me to have a nanny in my home. So, I don’t have to drop him off at daycare and not see him for 8-10 hours in a row. Instead, I can eat lunch with him if I want or read him a quick story during the day when I have time between conference calls.
- Three mornings a week, I get good, quality time with Evan before the nanny comes. I purposefully avoid early morning meetings those days so we aren’t rushing around the house trying to get ready for the day. Instead, I prioritize quality time with my son.
- Three days a week, I am home with my son by 4p. No work, no meetings, no calls. Just quality time with the kiddo. While most parents still face at least a couple more hours at work, I’m home, playing, reading, riding bikes, swimming, building — immersing myself in his life. At the same time, I’m showing him that it is 100% possible to lead a growing company without sacrificing family.
So, I’ll ask you again: Am I a bad mom?
I know I’m not a bad mom. In fact, I think I’m a pretty great mom. Know why? Because my kid is happy, healthy and super smart. He bonds with kids and adults alike, actions that demonstrate a high level of emotional health. (Trust me, I’ve talked with a therapist ad nauseum about the importance of this!)
Sure, I took an incredibly unconventional maternity leave. But, it’s a tradeoff. Because now, I get to spend more quality time with my child than most working moms.
We shouldn’t discourage women from being CEO simply because CEO sometimes means you make decisions that on the surface don’t appear “right” or “normal” or “conventional.” Societal norms place an insane amount of pressure on working women. But, breaking those norms doesn’t mean someone is a bad mom or that we should feel bad for her family. To the contrary, being a CEO affords long-term flexibilities and luxuries that most parents can only wish for. Let’s encourage more women to be CEOs so they can implement family-friendly workplace policies. And, let’s stop bashing moms for making tough decisions. Instead, let’s support them. After all, being a working parent is tough enough. We don’t need outsiders judging us.
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Photo credit: JD Lasica, via Flickr Creative Commons