2015 was a really interesting year for me — filled with a lot of ups, but also my fair share of personal setbacks. Most days, I’ve come to peace with the situation. People lie. People cheat. People quit. But, people also love. People give. People show up.
That said, the grieving process is complicated.Whether you’re grieving the loss of a person, job, relationship, or some other profound loss, there is no linear path toward healing. Sometimes the anger stage takes center stage. Sometimes the depression stage rules the day.
The night of Thanksgiving, I found myself feeling angry and sad — not exactly the feelings one wants, particularly on the day we set aside for gratitude. So, in my Type A-personality way, I decided to seize control of the situation. I needed to learn more about gratitude. Is it something that can be cultivated? How could I focus on the good in my life, instead of letting anger win? Through my research, I came across an article that I’d seen a ton of people share on Facebook, yet I hadn’t actually taken time to read. So, I read it. And then I re-read it, particularly intrigued by this paragraph:
Building the best life does not require fealty to feelings in the name of authenticity, but rather rebelling against negative impulses and acting right even when we don’t feel like it. In a nutshell, acting grateful can actually make you grateful.
Act as if.
Act as if you’re grateful, and you’ll actually become more grateful. And an increase in gratefulness leads to all kinds of benefits. Harvard says so:
In positive psychology research, gratitude is strongly and consistently associated with greater happiness. Gratitude helps people feel more positive emotions, relish good experiences, improve their health, deal with adversity, and build strong relationships.
So, that night, I started a gratitude journal, committing to identify three things every day that I was thankful for. It could be big things — like my son — or small things, like Netflix and naps! But, three things every day, no matter what kind of day I was having.
A month in, I decided to look back to see if any common themes or patterns emerged. Interestingly, in that month, 13 of the 36 things I’m grateful for have been related to work. Now, I realize my work situation is different than most. I own the business. I decide which companies we work with and which ones we politely decline. I (with input from a few others) decide who we hire. I decide where our office is located. In reality, I control almost all the factors that typically impact whether someone likes their job or not. It’s my company. If I don’t like something, it’s my fault … and I can pretty easily change it.
That said, I know plenty of people who run their own businesses who don’t love their jobs as much as I do. I think a big piece of this has to do with the fact that I’m truly grateful. As we head into the new year, if you don’t love your job, it may be time to look for a new one. But, it may also be time for some self-reflection. How would your perspective shift if you applied the practice of gratitude to your career?
In reviewing the work-related items that I jotted down in my gratitude journal, I realized these aren’t things limited to me because I run the business. Here are a few examples of work-related entries:
- The day after Thanksgiving, I said I was thankful for clients. “I had to work for a few hours today, but I’m thankful for clients who trust me to handle their major news.” For context, we had a client making a pretty significant acquisition that required a lot of internal and external communication. The deal would be closing very soon and we needed to make a few updates based on developments over the holiday. I could’ve been irritated that I had to work while everyone else shopped, watched football and indulged in leftovers. Instead, I chose to reframe my perspective and give thanks for clients who see us as such a valuable extension of their team, relying on us during these critically important moments in time.
- The Sunday after Thanksgiving, I noted that I was thankful for “a job that I look forward to returning to after a long holiday weekend.”
- I love the team we’ve assembled. On November 30, I said I was thankful for my team because “we get more done in a day than a lot of people get done in a week.” On December 4, I wrote about being thankful for people on my team whose values align with mine and the direction we want to grow the company.
- Clients who do work that matters.
- An “addiction” (in a good way!) to business development.
None of those are necessarily unique to me because I own the place. So, the next time you’re frustrated with your job or feeling like you just can’t get out of bed to trek into the office, don’t just complain. Shift your perspective. Try listing three things you’re grateful for. (Even if you hate your job, you have to be thankful for your paycheck, right? Have a long commute? Maybe you can be thankful for the opportunity to listen to podcasts that expand your horizons, or time to sing in your car like you’re practicing for The Voice.)
In every situation, there’s something to be grateful for. You might have to dig a little deeper to find it, but identify three things every day for a month, and I promise, your perspective will change for the better.
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